Learning to Trust Again
Often when I work with clients, one of our biggest tasks is to work together to restore their trust.
Trust in themselves. Trust in others. And trust in their future
We often lose sight of that trust after an emotional or traumatic event that leaves us feeling disconnected, fearful, and anxious. As a result, we build barriers to keep us safe from being hurt again
It’s a natural inclination of the mind, and body, to say; ‘That was painful, let’s not do that again.’
The only problem with this script is ‘that’ starts to look like a lot of things that even vaguely resemble the thing you’re trying to avoid. Sooner or later you’re protecting yourself from people, places, and any situation faintly familiar to the last in effort to keep yourself safe and secure.
Neuroscientist and author, Lisa Feldman Barrett has a great way of clarifying this primal mechanism for us. She explains that one of the key functions of the brain is not to react or respond (as we’d like to believe) but to predict.
In a recent podcast interview she stated, “People tend to feel like we’re reacting to what’s actually happening in the world. But what’s really happening is that your brain is drawing on your deep backlog of experience and memory, constructing what it believes to be your reality, cross-referencing it with incoming sense data from your heart, lungs, metabolism, immune system, as well as the surrounding world, and adjusting as needed. In other words, you’re almost always acting on the predictions that your brain is making about what’s going to happen next, not reacting to experience as it unfolds.”
Overall, your brain is a prediction machine.
Constantly assessing the sensory input you’re receiving from both the outside and inside world (your emotions) and comparing it to models, or scripts, that your brain has stored from that past that can better predict how to behave in the current or upcoming situation.
This works well if you go to a restaurant, per say, and understand the plot will unfold in a rather predictable way; look at the menu, order, eat, pay, leave. Such scripts help us navigate our days and routines smoothly.
But, if you have a script that says, “The world is a dangerous place, I can’t trust others to support me on my path, or I can’t trust myself to make decisions that align with my highest self,” it's time to rewrite the script or it will be extremely difficult to launch that business, create that flourishing relationship, or pursue your true calling.
So today, I’m going to be providing you with 3 ways to restore your trust and call in whatever it is that you truly desire, and deserve.
Create Some Certainty (with the uncertainty)
Whenever you’re embarking on a new path; a new business venture, career path, or relationship. Your brain and body’s natural inclination will be to do everything it can to keep you from moving into unfamiliar and uncertain territories which are extremely costly for your energy reserves. Again, your brain (and subconscious mind) loves familiarity and predictability. Now that you’re aware of this though, you can use it to your advantage.
Creating a routine, or a set of rituals (I have a whole other video dedicated to this) will give your body and mind the familiarity it’s craving while you embark on this new adventure.
It's like building a foundation or a home to return to so you can go out and travel the world. That stability and predictability allows you to have confidence and freedom to venture outside your comfort zone into the unknown.
Make Plans for the Future
Oftentimes, when you stop trusting, yourself and the world, you also lose sight of your trust in the future. It didn’t work last time, so why would it now?
I got so deeply caught up in this story that after being chronically unwell for many years that I decided I was going to die young and made absolutely no plans for the future ahead. I spent every penny I earned, refused to open a 401k, stopped wearing sunscreen, and rarely planned for a trip or any activity past a few months. Everything was day by day, in the moment, but with little trust that there was a future ahead of me, let alone a future I wanted to live in.
The problem is, that sends a very strong signal that you don’t trust things will work out for you, so they don’t. I’m a spiritual person and I believe the universe, source, god, whatever you want to call it; will confirm what you are putting out there. In my case, I don’t trust you.
The way to remedy this is to start small and build trust in the future with baby steps; put $5 a week away in savings, book a trip more than 6 months out, make plans to go back to school. Small actions send a strong signal, to both yourself and the universe, that you trust it’s all working for you. Then, let that be mirrored back to you instead.
Nurture the Belief that You’re Worthy
Mistrust in yourself and your future often comes with a hefty package deal of internal scripts that say things like, “I am broken. I am unlovable. I am unworthy.” Or, “bad things happen to me.”
Those may feel like supporting dialogues to keep you safe, but I have to break it to you, they are complete bullshit.
I have another video on Changing Limiting Beliefs but one simple way to do this is to take the perspective of an outsider, i.e. instead of looking through your filter of the world, ask yourself; “What would someone who believes they are a good person do?” Or, “What would someone who deserves all the good things in the world do?” Then act accordingly. Aligning yourself with a version of someone who believes these beliefs instead creates an identity shift, the most powerful shift you can make, and you start seeing yourself as someone who behaves this way, making it your reality.
In conclusion, learning to trust yourself, and the world, is one of the most powerful shifts you can make for your business, your relationships, and your true purpose.
Yoko Ono once said, “My religion is to trust myself.”
Trusting yourself, is trusting life. It’s one in the same. You are life and life is you. Come home to that and build the future you’ve always imagined.
Often when I work with clients, one of our biggest tasks is to work together to restore their trust.
Trust in themselves. Trust in others. And trust in their future.
We often lose sight of that trust after an emotional or traumatic event that leaves us feeling disconnected, fearful, and anxious. As a result, we build barriers to keep us safe from being hurt again.
It’s a natural inclination of the mind, and body, to say; ‘That was painful, let’s not do that again.’
The only problem with this script is ‘that’ starts to look like a lot of things that even vaguely resemble the thing you’re trying to avoid. Sooner or later you’re protecting yourself from people, places, and any situation faintly familiar to the last in effort to keep yourself safe and secure.
It's time to rewrite that script or it will be extremely difficult to launch that business, create that flourishing relationship, or pursue your true calling.
So today, I’m going to be providing you with 3 ways to restore your trust and call in whatever it is that you truly desire, and deserve.
Love always,
Nicole
Working together to restore trust in yourself, others, and your path is often a foundational piece in my signature Self by Design Method.
If you’re a conscious entrepreneur, creator, or leader who’s been considering mindset coaching and are curious to know more, Book a Free 15 Min Exploratory Call with me and let’s chat. This call is completely no-strings attached and solely for the purpose of opening the conversation to see what’s possible for you!
