Our Ever-Evolving Sense of Self
What Neuroscience and Buddhism Have in Common and What it Means for Your “Self”
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, science is the language of spirituality. It’s our best attempt at understanding what we don’t quite understand. It’s also a guidebook for the rules and laws in which this existence operates on. Something predictable and tangible for the often unpredictable and intangible.
But most of my life, I thought the two stood separately like two solid pillars with a vast space between. There was no discussion to be had. Science was rooted in fact and function and spirituality was lifted by fiction and faith. Then, after simultaneously questioning my own faith (and fiction) and diving deeply into the science of how our brain and nervous system work in an effort to heal myself from a chronic health condition, I realized they are one in the same.
This realization came to me slowly, in pieces, as I started to see similarities in the books on each topic I was reading, then all at once. I remember stepping back from my coffee table scattered with titles like The Brain that Changes Itself, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, The Untethered Soul, and The Four Agreements and seeing the convergence point clearly.
Our ever-evolving sense of self was the focal point. The rooftop where science and spirituality met for a midnight rendezvous.
Anatman: The Buddhist Sense of Self
How many times have we said (quietly to ourselves or bravely out loud) that we want to “find ourselves”. We’re lead to believe there’s something to search for. Something that’s buried layers deep under trauma, false identity, and cultural norms, and it’s our job to excavate this ancient artifact.
Buddhism, however, runs by the guiding principle that there is no fixed, stable “self". All of those things that make up our construct of “self” - atoms, cells, memories, thoughts, personal stories - change over time. In fact, they are changing every moment of every day, continually in flux.
Sure, you have personality, a hair color, a name (hopefully one that you like), a job (hopefully one that you love), a family, hobbies, interests, favorite colors, foods you like, foods you dislike, and the list goes on. These are all ways in which we identify ourselves. I am this and I am not that. I like this and I don’t like that.
Which is totally cool. Most of us have worked really hard to figure out how we’re going to bring some clarity to that identity. It provides some stability and consistency in our lives. If the narrative is a good one - let me rephrase that - a true one; ‘I am a good person, I create meaningful work in the world, I am loved,’ that sense of self works for us. If the narrative is untrue for us, built atop the dusty layers of those traumas, misidentifications, and cultural norms I mentioned earlier, it limits us.
So, to bring us back to Buddha, there is no constant self because we create it. It’s a story we can change, at any time, in any moment. Especially, if that story isn’t working for us.
As Thich Nhat Hanh, famous Buddhist monk and peace activist says, "Thanks to impermanence, anything is possible."
Instead of focusing on “finding ourselves,” our effort and energy is better used on creating ourselves (or as I like to say designing ourselves).
Neuroplasticity: The Neuroscientist Sense of Self
For most of neuroscience’s history, scientists (pretty smart ones) believed that the brain was a fixed organ. We were under the impression that our neural networks and circuitry were laid into place at a very young age during those critical child development years and basically stayed the same throughout our lives.
Now, thanks to new research (and smarter neuroscientists) we know that the brain, like ourselves, is a constantly evolving organ. Everyday, with each new thought, conversation, experience, and interaction we lay new neural networks. If we travel, or meet a new person, or do something completely outside of our comfort zone, we lay thousands of new neural networks. New connections.
This naturally occurring process is known as neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change itself. Every moment our brain is constantly strengthening the connections we use most often (thoughts, habits, emotions, etc.), pruning the connections we no longer use (i.e. that language you learned in high school), and creating new connections that weren’t there before (a map for that person you just met at a coffee shop or that new class you just took on hip hop dancing).
The beauty of this process is that we can intervene, also known as self-directed neuroplasticity. In other words, we can change ourselves - physically in the brain - to change ourselves emotionally, mentally, spiritually and even physically in the body. We just have to know how to guide it.
Asking the Right Questions
The first step to becoming your own guide starts with honestly asking yourself who you are - today, in this moment - and more importantly, staying open to the answer.
From there, the key is cultivating a habit of self-awareness. We can only become aware of what we know, or don’t know, by continually remaining the curious observer of our own thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors.
With that knowledge, we can start to shift the conversation from, “Who am I?”, or the fixed-self, to “Who do I want to be?”, the self you are continually creating. It’s picking up the pen and authoring your own definition.
As the story unfolds, it becomes clear there is no destination. The self, or your definition of the self, is always changing. You aren’t the same person you were yesterday and you certainly aren’t the same person you were last year, or 10 years ago.
Once we let go of our attachment to the idea of the constant "self," we can rest more comfortably with the constant change present in all of life. In each new moment, we ourselves are new.
So if I can give any of my own advice (maybe I already have), it’s not to be yourself but to create yourself; curiously and continually. That's where Buddha and the (smartest) neuroscientists meet to mingle. The place where true transformation happens.
If you're ready to become the creator of your “self”, download the Self by Design app and get started with free mindset tips and reminders from me every day.
